How I pray and what to say when I pray was kind of a big deal to me. I used to try to get the right words, be in the right position (kneeling with hands clasped most times), be in the right atmosphere and ensure I spend a good amount of time praying to be fully satisfied with my prayer. I was not so much as concerned with telling God the real state of my heart and mind when praying as I was with how I pray.
Like me, some of us have been so engrossed with following routines and traditions that apply when it comes to knowing and talking to God, that we don’t actually get to know and really talk with God. These traditions has helped us set up this facade before God that we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to really commune with God.
It came to the point where God told me to drop the act because I would go to him trying to sound and look right before him which was not all that important. God helped me understand that He demands honesty and vulnerability when it’s just me and Him because that way I’m giving Him an actual opportunity to reach out and help me. I’ll give you an example; I went through a tough time and prayed about it but at the time I believed God didn’t show up for me. To be honest I was angry with God but I bottled it up still trying to be this “good christian girl”. I mean I can’t be angry with God right.
Anyways long story short, a long while later I believe God decided it was time to confront that hidden emotion and I was able to be sincere with him asking him why he didn’t come through for me (not in an arrogant way). There and then God comforted me and helped me to learn certain things. I probably will not have gotten over that feeling until I was sincere before God and willing to listen to Him because God doesn’t just barge in to where he is not invited. He shows us the problem but we are left to acknowledging it’s a problem and reach out for help. Not until we do that, will God come in to touch and heal our hearts.