The trauma was so intense that you locked up the pain, the shame and the guilt away, so you don’t really have to deal. Maybe like me you make yourself forget about it and brush off your exterior so well that it hides how much of a mess it made you inside. I mean after all its all in the past now, you don’t need to talk about it and even the bible said old things are passed away right?
Now I have come to know Christ everything should all of a sudden be ok, not minding whatever wounds that needs to heal, what fractures needed to be made whole, what aches and pains that needed to be suited. Well for me everything didn’t become ok immediately.
So I went on, holding on to a particular pain that I made myself believe I had let go until one night. I was with friends and one thing led to another that I reopened this wound I had led myself to believe was not there. As I was narrating the story just out of mere contribution to the gist, I started tearing up unwillingly. I was able to convince my friends that no I was ok, I’m better now, not minding that I was still seriously tearing up. So I left to my room and that’s when it hit me that maybe I haven’t actually let go just yet. I remember blaming God that night for what happened; not coming through for me even after I prayed so much about it. Then I remembered I had this Joyce meyer’s magazine under my pillow that I’d been meaning to read. So I did and came across an article (not one more night with the frogs) and the words only told me that God was right there with me.
You see God helped me to see that I was unwilling to surrender my ashes for Him to give me his beauty (Isaiah 61:1-3) and until I did, I will not get the full beauty of being in him. Maybe what happened to you was not your fault, but it doesn’t have to be an excuse to stay unhealthy. You can’t undo what people did to you and you have to realise that the most important moment in your life is RIGHT NOW. Press into your relationship with God and get His beauty for your ashes, your joy for mourning and praise for heaviness. Those were some of the words God used to comfort me that night. I’m not able to give proper answers as to why God allowed me go through what I went through at the time but I know I’m a better and stronger person now.
Some of you like me may need more prayers and teaching to bring you into full healing, whatever it is you need maybe more counselling, just make sure to surrender your ashes. I surrendered my ashes to God and I got His beauty.