I felt empty, rejected, and alone and it made me question who I am. I remember saying to myself- no this doesn’t happen to me. You see I hear of other people’s roller coaster situations and I’m quick to give as much encouragement as I can to help them get through their situation.
Now it was time for me to actually encourage myself but I couldn’t find any words and all I remember was telling God to heal my heart. I kept repeating it so much that I didn’t really realise the magnitude of what I was asking God to do me.
I didn’t realise that telling God to heal my heart was not just asking him to make the pain go away but allowing him bring to light the darkness in my life, exposing insecurities I was not sure I was ready to expose, showing me certain parts of me that I didn’t even know was there and now I still think to myself and say wow!
You see if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about asking to have a personal encounter with God, be it based on healing or something else is that God doesn’t deal with the superficial.
God is such a deep being that he deals with roots, deep roots. Be careful when you ask God to get involved with something in your life because He’s going to go all in. But you know what? He’s going to give you the courage and strength you need to face whatever needs facing.
So when I said God heal my heart, He did and I found myself.
Now I thought I knew myself but everything I knew was on a superficial level. God showed me who he has made me to be on a deeper level and the phrase “fearfully and wonderfully made” began to make more sense.
That phrase is not even about some sort of outer or even inner beauty; it was way more than that. It was more about an intricately made being with a massive potential for greatness, it was about the power God has placed on the inside that needed to be tapped into and about how we are such a designer’s original and not a counterfeit of someone else.
So I found myself and I want to encourage you today that when it seems God is silent just remember he is working on the roots; so don’t stop hoping and praying because who knows what you’ll find.