So I was chatting to a friend and she called me out on an obvious wrong in a kind way but I went from chatting to having anger bouts and getting all defensive. All the while I was arguing I kept thinking to myself who is this girl who couldn’t get a grip on her emotions.
I couldn’t recognise that part of me because it is very unlike me to pick up a fight over something very fickle. I apologised but kept mulling over it so I prayed.
I had started noting parts of me I didn’t recognise from time to time. I had started being unnecessarily on the defensive. I had started being this angry person whenever I didn’t get my way, I had started shielding myself from God knows what, in bid to avoid having to deal with anything/one that had the potential of hurting me.
I did pray about it and I’m sure it’s because God started being involved that’s why I even noticed these character traits.
Time passed and there was this Sunday I sincerely did not want to go to church but I asked God the night before if He thinks it’s the best choice and He said no. So I went to church regardless.
God spoke to my heart that day, through the message and He pointed out to me that the reason I had started being on the defensive all the time and I insisted on my own way and I started trying to shield myself from hurt was because…
I was afraid of rejection.
You see what made me to hurt so badly in the first place was because I had been rejected time and time again and had my hopes tarnished over and over and I was sick of it. So I was done.
God told me that if you are secure in who you are i.e who God says you are, you have no reason to fear. God never really promised that life would be safe but He did promise that when we go through life and circumstances it throws at us He will be with us. And the only hope we can hold on to is the love He has for us.
Not everyone will accept your love yet that does not mean you stop loving. Not everything will fall into place as you have hoped for; again it does not mean you stop hoping and not every dream will come to pass the way you planned and still yet it does not mean you stop dreaming. You are who God says you are and don’t let anything or anyone change that.
This brought me to the next fear I had to confront –Failure and that is a whole different story. So I will stop here for today and will continue over the next few days about how God helped me confront and defeat fears that had lingered…
Love and Blessings…