What if everything’s not going to be okay; because at this point I’m tired of waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So I had this recurring thought and started questioning if- ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THEM THAT LOVE GOD. I was tired of hearing this. I mean if anything good is meant to come out of my being sad and depressed then I’m yet to see it- was what I said.
You know when you’re assured of God’s purpose for your life and you start working towards it with all faith, all heart and all mind. Some people even do a complete 180 turn taking that leap of faith but that path they set on does not necessarily embrace them the way they pictured it. Then you question yourself, your belief and your God.
I began asking God I mean; I thought this is what you wanted for me, after all this was mostly your idea so why cut me off when I was so close. It’s like you pulled the rug from under my feet and it hurts.
This was the point I was and my Faith was shaken.
I was not anything like those the Psalmist described to be like Mount Zion that cannot be moved because they trust in God. Everything shook me and I began to panic.
I went through the whole God I am not happy with you phase and finally came to my senses I guess; Well God also had his way of subtly teaching me life giving principles that found root in my heart.
I realised I was shaken so much because my faith was anchored on the wrong foundations. My faith was based on what I could get from God and what He could do for me. My faith was centred on how I felt and on my circumstances. And you never come to real terms with this truth (if it’s your truth) until you get to a point where you’re forced to ask yourself why you believe what you believe.
I had to learn to build my faith in God alone and allow Him to help me trust Him. To trust in His Sovereignty and that He is a holy God and has no evil in him. I had to learn to rely on and fully submit to His expectations for my life and not mine because He made me.
I also painfully realised that God does not always lead us through the safest of routes in life.
Sometimes He may ask you to walk on water without warning that you may sink in the process only because He wants you to learn the real essence of solely trusting in Him.
And He wants to develop in you, a Fearless Confidence.
I guess this is why Shadrach Meshach and Abednego were ready to be thrown into the fiery furnace because that was not enough to move them and I believe that right there is Life.