Fear (pt 2- rejection)

fear-isola

He will never leave nor forsake you

So I was chatting to a friend and she called me out on an obvious wrong in a kind way but I went from chatting to having anger bouts and getting all defensive. All the while I was arguing I kept thinking to myself who is this girl who couldn’t get a grip on her emotions.

I couldn’t recognise that part of me because it is very unlike me to pick up a fight over something very fickle.  I apologised but kept mulling over it so I prayed.

I had started noting parts of me I didn’t recognise from time to time. I had started being unnecessarily on the defensive. I had started being this angry person whenever I didn’t get my way, I had started shielding myself from God knows what, in bid to avoid having to deal with anything/one that had the potential of hurting me.

I did pray about it and I’m sure it’s because God started being involved that’s why I even noticed these character traits.

Time passed and there was this Sunday I sincerely did not want to go to church but I asked God the night before if He thinks it’s the best choice and He said no. So I went to church regardless.

God spoke to my heart that day, through the message and He pointed out to me that the reason I had started being on the defensive all the time and I insisted on my own way and I started trying to shield myself from hurt was because…

I was afraid of rejection.

You see what made me to hurt so badly in the first place was because I had been rejected time and time again and had my hopes tarnished over and over and I was sick of it. So I was done.

God told me that if you are secure in who you are i.e who God says you are, you have no reason to fear. God never really promised that life would be safe but He did promise that when we go through life and circumstances it throws at us He will be with us. And the only hope we can hold on to is the love He has for us.

Not everyone will accept your love yet that does not mean you stop loving. Not everything will fall into place as you have hoped for; again it does not mean you stop hoping and not every dream will come to pass the way you planned and still yet it does not mean you stop dreaming. You are who God says you are and don’t let anything or anyone change that.

This brought me to the next fear I had to confront –Failure and that is a whole different story. So I will stop here for today and will continue over the next few days about how God helped me confront and defeat fears that had lingered…

 

Love and Blessings…

 

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A vulnerable God

How can you truly understand what I am going through after all you’re God. I’m not sure you understand how hurt and pain feels. What it means to have your heart broken over and over again. What it means to have your hopes shattered.

vulnerable

Through his death, we received life.

So don’t tell me it’ going to be ok and Joy comes in the morning because the night is enough to kill me.

Some say you’re the all-knowing and the only truly wise God. I have no dispute against that but I doubt you understand what it means to be human else you won’t be able to casually just say I will be Ok. Of course I know I will be, after all nothing lasts forever but the scar will forever be a reminder and maybe ‘it’ will pass but I will never remain the same again.

So I had a mouth full. God told me to be honest with him and I took honest to a whole different level. So here’s his reply

I know what it means to be fully human as much as I know what it means to be fully GOD. It clearly didn’t sink when you read that I came to earth; born fully human.

Faith, I was rejected by those I called my very own, do you understand how that hurts? Though God I made myself extremely vulnerable becoming like you (mankind) in order to truly feel your pain.

I prayed so hard for the father to take the cup (suffering, pain, anguish) away from me you know why?

I was scared…

Yes I was scared… I had become fully human and I felt every emotion possible. I gave up whatever spiritual defences I had to overcome whatever suffering lay ahead and though I had the choice to pick them back up, I chose not to because I really did want to be able to relate.

It hurt me to see my earthly mother hurt. I had so much love and affection for her yet at the time I could do nothing to take away the hurt in her eyes when she saw the fruit of her womb treated like a dunghill.

My very own friends & companions were not even able to stay up with me and pray with me that night at gethsemane. If at least they had kept awake and stayed by me it would have helped but no they slept off. One of them even denied ever knowing me.

Now the physical pain, oh beloved you don’t want to get me started on that one. Imagine pain that transcends the physical into the spiritual. That’s how much it hurt.

So yes I understand what it means to hurt both physically and emotionally, I understand how it feels to be rejected, to not get what you truly want because God has other ideas…

Most of all I understand what it truly means to trust God and press into his comfort.  Believing Him because Joy does come in the morning even though it takes a while. I guess that’s why I was able to say- “nevertheless not my will but Yours be done”.

 He has handed every power to judge humanity to me because I was human.

I am that part of Him that truly gets you and everyone else Faith, hence I AM the mediator between God and man and no one comes to the father except through ME.

That’s why you can trust that my judgement will be fair and just.

So beloved, I get you, I can relate, I understand and most of all I can heal you and make you whole if only you’d let me all because I LOVE YOU.

 

That was it for me guys, so I’m able to truly trust and relax in his comfort because I know He made himself real to me ( scripture references for everything- Luke 4:14-30, Luke 22:39-45, Matthew 26:39, Hebrews 4:15, Hebrews 2:18, John 19:25-29, John 19, John 5:22)

Love and blessings…

Keep Keeping on!

Dnt give up

The Lord is good to those who wait for him (Lam. 3:25)

So here I was writing up a piece for you my amazing readers to probably get inspired and encouraged by. I was typing away and being encouraged myself really and then my dear laptop decided that it was time to undertake an unexpected and un-warned shutdown. Well you can imagine my frustration! My work for the most part was lost and I started saying I mean God you should have prevented that you know after all it’s about you I was writing about and I really just wanted to call it a night.

Then a thought just flashed through my mind and I remembered discussing with my bible study group about the apostles in the book of acts how regardless of the many challenges they faced, it didn’t stop them from pursuing their God given goals regardless.

Some of us maybe pursuing goals which you believe is God that has put in your heart or goals you believe God supports all the way but then, you suddenly reach a road block or experience some sort of challenge that made you think maybe God wasn’t really into that idea and sadly some of us give up on potentially big dreams. Now one thing is for sure, God didn’t promise that achieving your dreams would be as straight forward as we all plan it to be. Even Jesus had to suffer a lot to reach his God given purpose. I mean if he decided during the really hard times he was going through that maybe this really isn’t what God wants hence why he’s going through all that difficulty, we may not have had salvation today. So bugger up my dear friends and keep pursuing your God given dreams, even if you fail at it several times, pick yourself up, trust God and keep keeping on! His grace is sufficient!