Here I am in the dead of the night writing this. It has been a minute since I picked up my laptop to write and not for the lack of trying but I guess I am the typical case of what we Christians say to be ‘‘the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak’’. I haven’t really felt up to it and I would blame it on my feeling not good enough to write and encourage and inspire but who am I kidding. It is my pride that has stopped me and I’m only just realising it as I write this. I waited till I felt ‘‘good enough’’ to pick up and write something.
But lately that feeling never came back. I convinced myself that until I started to feel that way then maybe I should put a pause to this. A lie that has managed to become a stronghold in my mind. I always had that gnawing feeling that made me realise I was letting go a vital part of me and if I stopped, I may be closing somewhat of a treasury, who knows.
The most important thing is that I’m writing again and funny the background instrumental playing on my laptop right now is ‘‘came to my rescue’’ by hillsong and He has indeed come to my rescue and my writing this is evidence.
I waited to feel like the perfect Christian knowing fully well that there’s no such thing. Yet I couldn’t shake waiting for that feeling. I’m only now realising the perfect Christian is one broken enough to know that there’s beauty in the brokenness as long as Jesus is in it.
Maybe it is true after all; that we can’t fix ourselves even when we are in Christ because that is His job to do alone. And the moment we begin to take the reins, trying to play God, we dig a deeper hole for ourselves.
So I’m writing again and I committing to let Christ take the lead. It’s a little scary because I would normally only share after I’ve gone through it but I’m encouraged to put out real time thoughts so you see the journey and we all learn and grow together.
I’m going to have posts on what I’m learning from my personal bible study sessions, a weekly “what’s on my mind’’ and lots more exciting stories. Please pray for me as I try to live out my full God given potential.
Love and Blessings