I found myself

light-at-end-of-pipe

Weeping may endure for the night but Joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)

I felt empty, rejected, and alone and it made me question who I am. I remember saying to myself- no this doesn’t happen to me. You see I hear of other people’s roller coaster situations and I’m quick to give as much encouragement as I can to help them get through their situation.

Now it was time for me to actually encourage myself but I couldn’t find any words and all I remember was telling God to heal my heart. I kept repeating it so much that I didn’t really realise the magnitude of what I was asking God to do me.

I didn’t realise that telling God to heal my heart was not just asking him to make the pain go away but allowing him bring to light the darkness in my life, exposing insecurities I was not sure I was ready to expose, showing me certain parts of me that I didn’t even know was there and now I still think to myself and say wow!

You see if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about asking to have a personal encounter with God, be it based on healing or something else is that God doesn’t deal with the superficial.

God is such a deep being that he deals with roots, deep roots. Be careful when you ask God to get involved with something in your life because He’s going to go all in. But you know what? He’s going to give you the courage and strength you need to face whatever needs facing.

So when I said God heal my heart, He did and I found myself.

Now I thought I knew myself but everything I knew was on a superficial level. God showed me who he has made me to be on a deeper level and the phrase “fearfully and wonderfully made” began to make more sense.

That phrase is not even about some sort of outer or even inner beauty; it was way more than that. It was more about an intricately made being with a massive potential for greatness, it was about the power God has placed on the inside that needed to be tapped into and about how we are such a designer’s original and not a counterfeit of someone else.

So I found myself and I want to encourage you today that when it seems God is silent just remember he is working on the roots; so don’t stop hoping and praying because who knows what you’ll find.

My Love Story (pt 2)…

For abit more context I suggest you read my love story pt1

So  I’m sure some of you are still wondering what is this love that I claim to have that has changed my whole life.

This Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. This Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Say what?  No human being can give you that! As I’m guessing is the thought of some people reading this and yes you are very right, no human being can give you this kind of love.

Like me some of us have gone out to look for love in people to satisfy our selfish desires. We never really go out there thinking now who am I going love so hard no matter what, that they wouldn’t know what hit them. We rather think the opposite of that. So we finally believe we’ve found “the one” and this one falls so short that it paints a terrible picture of love.

Now I’m no expert on love and relationships so I’m not going to sit here and start giving r/ship advise lol. But here’s what I know.

You get to love so hard only because you’ve been loved so hard. In other words you can’t give what you don’t have.

You see that whole description about the love I have, came as a result of one being and that’s Jesus Christ. I opened my heart to his love for me and accepted it.

He loved on me so much that I now begin to love me the way he does because as unworthy as I am of this love, He made me worthy by loving me.

So now I’m loving myself based on his example of love; I start exercising patience with myself, started being kind to myself, stopped allowing myself to look out and get jealous but look in and find something of value to love.

I started forgiving myself, I stopped hating my imperfections, I begin to believe in who I was made to be, I became hopeful again and I started trusting God to help me continually love myself.

I’m still in the process and lest I forget, the preacher was right, this love does cast out fear- every time it’s being made manifest. Now, I can’t help but exude this love to the people around me because I know what it feels like to be loved.

And if you already have this love, do well to share it with our hurting world because only God loves best…

My Love Story…

What is this love that everyone is dying to have these days? Is it a feeling or better still an emotion? What good does it really do for us when we seek it from other people because we all at some point try to seek it out from a person and when the person fails to deliver we get all bitter…

Better still why do we seek this thing called love so much in this world today. Is it to make us feel better about ourselves or to help our insecurities or to avoid been lonely or just because we feel like we have got to have one because everyone else does…

We all get to that stage in life where we question what this whole love thing is all about and sometimes it sickens me when I can’t really find answers. So I just give up and go with the flow like everyone else I guess.

Now I know God and so as is my usual custom I turn to God; asking why are we all in the chase of this thing called Love. If it’s such a beautiful thing why do I see so much hurt and pain in the lives of people who claim to love one another or better still those who say they are in love.

I thought the preacher claims your word states that perfect love casts out fear, but this love I know breeds doubt, fear, panick, shame, hate, and even more insecurity. This thing that I call love is not permanent it comes and goes and oh when it comes I’m not sure if it’s even good cuz I start to think compromising thoughts and if not careful they gradually become actions and when it goes I feel empty oh so empty that anything but love fills.

So I had the wrong idea of what love truly is.

And God showed me a Love that contradicts my every opinion about what I thought Love was.

Love so sweet that I could almost taste it…
Love that makes me so in love that I can’t help but exude it at every opportunity I get…
Love so pure that at its presence the whiteness of the snow seems dark…
Love so amazing that the only thing that comes out of it is Good!

Now this Love, I didn’t get out of anybody. God didn’t bring me some oh so perfect prince charming to sweep me off my feet. As a matter of fact I’m as single as can be lol (story for another post).

But this Love was placed on the inside of me and it changed my life, my thought pattern and my entire being and I can’t say it all in one post so this post is going to have a  2nd part!